All about sleep.

I have alot of trouble getting to sleep. Why? Because I’ve always found that I’m most active, most energetic when I’ve reached that thin line between feeling tired and drowsy. When my eyes are getting a bit heavy and your thinking is getting muddled with sleepiness, that’s when I tend to do my best work! Admitedly when I wake up later I then have to go over whatever I did earlier before sleep and edit it heavily before it’s even close to done, but nevertheless, that’s when all the best ideas hit. Hell, half the stuff on here were written late at night, saved, then posted the next day.

Anyway, all that said, once I’ve managed to force myself to sleep I often have the most wonderful dreams. Never nightmares, oddly enough. I haven’t had a nightmare since I was around 14, and I actually recall my last nightmare pretty vividly. Not so much the details but I remember what happened in it. Terrible, terrible nightmare. Haven’t had any since, but that one was good/terrible enough to last awhile so I haven’t really needed em. But back to dreams, I often have the most wonderful dreams. Strange, sometimes creepy often violent dreams, but so imaginative I wake up and first thing I do is try to fall back asleep to continue where I left off or if unable to do that, do whatever I can to try and remember the dream. Inevitably I fail to remember much of the dreams and more often than not completely forget them within an hour or two, but while those impressions last it’s amazing. I feel like my mind if full of these amazing ideas just waiting to get out, it feels great!

For awhile I tried to keep a journal next to my bed to write these things down, and I did, but they never had the same impact on paper as they did in my mind and innevitably when I re-read those journal notes later on I’d find myself disappointed or confused about just what I’d been trying to describe. In the end I tossed the journal and just basked in those moments of bliss when I wake up from those dreams rather than scrambling to try and write everything down before it’s completely forgotten. Besides, the good dreams, the really creative ones always linger. They last, leave an impression on you and leave you thinking about em long after most dreams will have faded and been forgotten. I end up thinking about them when I walking someplace, eating, or even getting ready to head back to sleep and hoping beyond hope that the same dream comes again (It never does!). I suppose those’re the things writers cling to and create stories from somehow, taking those vague dream plots and weaving them into something coherent. Someday I’d like to be able to do that, even now I often write these things down or type up short stories I keep tucked away from prying eyes.

The problem for me always comes with the ending. I can weave a story easily enough I find, I know how to type properly and how a well written narrative is formed. I’m amazing at creating believable and intricate characters then bringing them to life, likely the results of years spent playing various styles of story-driven MUDs online. No, all that is fine, it’s the endings that get me every time. That’s why everything I write is short, why I’ve never managed to write anything longer or put these thoughts into a full story and why even those short stories rarely are actually finished. The ending! I mean… how do you end a dream? I never want them to end, never, and yet there has to be one. It has to be final and make a statement. I can’t stand authors who leave the endings open or don’t tie up loose ends properly, so I wont do the same. But that’s the problem… I’m not sure I can. It’s not like I can say “Then I woke up The End!”, that’s be the ultimate ripoff ending.

So that’s the delima and what’s bugging me currently. I’ve got one of those beautiful dreams running through my head and as I tend to do I’m trying to make it neat and tidy in my head. It’s a good one, it really is, but as always I can’t figure out how to end it. Likely I’ll type it up later and save it somewhere to be left alone, never quite finished but still ligering in my thoughts from time to time. Dramatic, no? Unfortunately true. One of these days I’m going to have to figure out what the secret to ending a story is, to give a pleasant ending that’s not a cheap copout like so many are. Maybe once I’ve figured that out I’ll put the various short stories together and see if I can’t get a full book out of it. That’d be nice!

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